It's either a really good day for Seattle barista Matt Watson, or his worst day ever. He lost his job at All-City Coffee (a job he despised, if his blog is to be believed) after his boss found out he was the voice behind the damning Bitter Barista: Thoughts From Behind the Counter (and Other Reasons Why I Hate You). Don't let the title fool you — it's not a diatribe of niceties.
While our friends over at Eater National have done the foot-work compiling this guy's lengthy press stroll, here are 10 of his worst insults. Is his firing justified, or is it clear this blog is total satire?
10. Quad-latte four minutes before I close? Go f*ck yourself, homie.
9. I've collected some data. If you keep your sunglasses on inside, you're at least 80-percent douchebag.
8. Don't worry, I hated you before you ordered that 20-ounce non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte with a Splenda. Now, it's just justified.
7. "Thank you. Have a nice day" is retail speak for "I hate you. I hope you die in a fire."
6. "Oh my god, I don't care" — me, during every conversation with every customer ever.
5. If your tip makes a sound when it hits the bottom of the jar, you're doing it wrong.
4. Lady, you're drinking coffee through a straw. I hardly think you're in a position to lecture me on lifestyle choices.
3. If someone asks, "For here or to go?," the answer is not "For here, but in a to-go cup," because that is a f*cking obnoxious answer.
2. Instead of buying your kid rice milk hot chocolate, just punch them in the back of the head and tell them life is full of disappointments.
1. If you've ever ordered an Americano with steamed soy milk, you're pretty much on par with Hitler in my book.
· Barista Fired Over Online Posts [KIRO TV]
· Bitter Barista loses job over snarky blog about customers, boss [Seattle Times]
· Snark's Labor Lost: The Bitter Barista, Unmasked [Sprudge]