What is comfort food?. Is it what a woman eats when her husband leaves her for another man? Is it what you eat when you're stoned, like an entire jar of relish, or a burrito filled with cracker crumbs and Thousand Island Dressing? Or is it the food your grandmother made for you when you were a kid, perhaps when you got a bee sting, or skinned your knee, and you thought it was totally delicious, but actually it was just a bunch of Campbell's cream soup mixed with some other shit and topped with cheddar cheese?

The fact is that comfort food has no exact definition: like porn, comfort food is (to paraphrase Justice Potter Stewart) totally fucking awesome and so delicious it's an amazing testament to human achievement. And what's the ultimate comfort food? Everybody knows that the answer, unequivocally, is lasagna.

Lasagna is so tasty. The basis of excellence in lasagna is, of course, the layers. No other food item, with the possible exception of cake, is so dependent upon layers. Delicate strata of pasta must be filled with a savory filling, sauce, hopefully meat of some kind, and SHITLOADS of cheese. Lesser lasagnas use those shitty boxed noodles with a ruffled edge. The jury is still out on the actual purpose of this strange edge: like Stonehenge, or the Electoral College, its true role has been forgotten, if anyone ever knew it at all.

Unfortunately, lasagna takes a lot of time to make at home. Like cassoulet, or croissants, or really good fucking chili, lasagna preparation is almost geological in its time frame: like a Grand Canyon of flavor, lasagna is tectonic in its deliciousness. You can't rush it. This is why creationists hate lasagna: they claim it can be made in like 10 minutes, but scientists have shown that if you carbon date a lasagna, you'll discover that the ingredients are at LEAST 3 or 4 hours old.

Because it's such a time-consuming pain in the ass, lasagna is best purchased from a restaurant. But where should one buy it? We wanted to find out who sells the best lasagna in Seattle. Which restaurant was the winner? READ ON!